Dating after divorce preparing for a new relationship

Dating after divorce as a dad is different than simply preparing your heart for a new relationship.The problem is knowing how to balance your care and concern for your children with your emotional needs to be in a relationship with another adult.™ It’s not just about dating and it’s not just about being a dad.As an adult, you want intimacy, whereas most kids, don’t want to share their father with another person, period.There are times when getting on the bench is useful, especially at the beginning of your separation and divorce.

Most divorced dads don’t get this and then find themselves with a lover who’s ingratiated themselves into their kids’ lives but who shouldn’t be there. They won’t want to have your lover spending time with them.Dads who, willingly, give away their responsibility to the newest lover in their bed aren’t helping themselves or their family. They’ll begin to play games and you’ll be put in the middle negotiating terms between your partner and your kids which isn’t fair to you either.This is the cost of forcing or allowing a lover to enmesh themselves without being properly invited into the family. Or make your lives pretty miserable replicating the fighting and drama you just left. And you’ll get there if you allow yourself a chance to learn how.So be careful, wise, timely, and certain before you bring your lover into the role of step-mom. Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Life Coach and a Certified Divorce Coach.

Which is why so many people will advise you to wait to date or to bring a partner into your kids’ lives. It’s not about a date or an age, it’s about getting your healing work done. Laura's a writer, public speaker and the founder of doing Divorce School, an online coaching program for those ready to shed the pain and stigma of divorce.

The legacy of divorce is real — your children will be left with the scars — the pain and stigma and shame of your divorce if you don’t do your work. For empowering and practical ways to lose the identity of your past, visit her website.