Maybe your computer, or cellphone / i-phone, or MP3 player. I imagine that, for a narcissist, it would be akin to asking you to sit in front of your computer and connect to its soul. Chances are, you’re not going to find anything to connect to. You know how an appliance like that can make a great contribution to our lives, to the point where, when it’s working, we really love it for doing all those things? You know how, when you truly love someone, whether it’s a person, or even a pet, you can get really angry at them, yet despite the anger, you still feel love for them? Unconditional love requires an awareness of a presence beyond appearances. Healthy unconditional love requires a bonding beyond the surface appearance and behaviour of someone. I don’t know about you, but I don’t exactly grieve when an appliance breaks down and I need to replace it (I might be upset about the cost and effort required for the replacement though). You might come to a point where the relationship no longer works, yet, on some level, you continue to love the person, despite their behaviour. There is a loving connection beyond behaviour and circumstances. We love appliances, as long as they do what they are supposed to do. It’s not a love based on any core connection, it’s a love based on functionality.
Simply put, due to a combination of severe trauma and a collection of beliefs that state that ‘facing the trauma will just make things worse’ someone can actually become completely cut off from their inner experiences. With such disconnection comes the inability to deeply connect to others.On the receiving end, this can feel like the frustrating experience of not being seen by the other, and not being able to get through to them or really communicate with them.You know those days when electrical appliances break down, and you entertain the hope that if you just “do the right thing” they will spring back to life?That’s the point when we tend to talk to our machines ().